Emotion as a text

I wrote close to a thousand words about ageism, but realized that I wasn’t really talking about how people treated me differently based on my age. Rather, I was trying to hide what I am feeling in something vaguely similar, so I wouldn’t hurt anyone else with my feelings. Well, that is silly, isn’t it?

I received a text message from someone I haven’t seen for most of my life. It took me back to a time where it was clear to my childlike mind how cruel people were to each other, and how they held ignorant assumptions about nearly everything in their life, which in turn made it incredibly difficult for them to be happy.

Of course, there is a lot of anger and resentment as well, since it was also a time where I was emotional tortured and physically beaten, so there’s that.

The reason ageism came up is because it is something that I think a lot of people suffer from. I’ve had great relationships with children, being fully capable of seeing them as human beings, navigating reality like everyone else. I don’t feel that I was given that benefit from the adults of my childhood, they didn’t see me as a person, but rather an extension of themselves that needed to be “fixed” before I could think for myself (which I was obviously able to do already).

And now this person is reaching out to me, and I am somewhat confused. I am not attached to them, but I don’t bear any ill will towards them, either. So I am trying to just treat them as an individual, and they deserve dignity and compassion, as all people do.

Actually, writing that last paragraph made me less confused. This person has the unfortunate placement of having been present during a time of my life that I would rather not deal with, but they have done nothing to hurt me. I just need to keep that in mind, and remember that people react to how we treat them.

Life is difficult in the most interesting ways. It is beautiful like that.