I just felt nostalgia. I’ve felt this before, I think. But it has been years. Weird. I’ve always thought it was useless, and I knew that was probably me not dealing with past trauma, but this current episode has to do with a time after my childhood.
So maybe I feel nostalgia after a certain amount of time, and that time has finally reached a point in my past that I am okay thinking about.
Also, it feels good. It is sad, but also good.
I am sure I am going to read this later and wonder what drug I released from popping my neck, but it is very significant to me. It is keyed off of using SDF again. I remember making my first websites. They were pure in a way that I couldn’t understand then, because I had no way of knowing the arc of my career. I am definitely helpful, now. I believe in the work I do, and I think I am slowly making the world better with the people around me. But when I make sites now (and not “webpages”), it isn’t cathartic. I don’t get a sense of accomplishment; rather, it is relief that our family will turn money into meeting needs and some comfort.
I think this is big. This could be a new realm for me to explore, one I hadn’t really considered before. I could zen out on this for a while. 