Each time I feel like I am overcoming my self-doubt or impostor syndrome or whatever, I have this mental whiplash where my brain starts checking me, to ensure I don’t became an asshole.
To put it bluntly, I think I am continuing a program I created when I was very young, where I would constantly rewrite the behavior around me in my imagination, to ensure I never became like the adults around me.
And here’s the thing, I am okay with that. I don’t think that is necessarily a bad default. But if I can’t make it one of many “modes” I can switch through, it is a problem.
I suppose one way to approach it, in the form of a question: how are you sure you know what you are doing? And that can apply to any level.
For instance, I don’t think I am wandering the desert as far as life is concerned, but I also wouldn’t say I found the secret handbook and everything is working out fine. But if you ask me if I “know WordPress stuff”, I would agree, without qualification.
Why am I not that confident on topics concerning my emotional life? What are the steps to reprogram that portion of my personality, so it can be a tool rather than a permanent filter?