When I was a child I had this book, the NES Game Atlas. It covered a variety of games, and I memorized so much information, even though I hardly ever played any of the games in it. I knew all the items in Hyrule and Castlevania, and I would write these lists of items I would sell if I could be a merchant that traveled between those worlds. To say that I was a fan of Captain N is an understatement. I was Captain N.
Later, after over a dozen schools, I finally found a kindred spirit, someone who was just as obsessed with video games as I was, and had a yard full of PVC piping that was ready to be any magical item we could imagine. When I share my experiences about drugs, relationships, sex, disobedience, and rebellion, it is hard to pinpoint where it all started in my life. While many people experience these in high school, I actually waited until I was asked to leave before I started my experimentation. In high school I was ditching class to hang out in the computer labs and drama department (which is hilarious if you know what I do for a living). When I wasn’t getting the most that elective classes had to offer, I was at @kevin’s house, or more specifically, Kay-sief, the collaborative world I had been invited to build in.
We would do something that is like LARP, but with less rules, more free-form story-telling. We would transition between characters and scenes seamlessly. One moment you were telling the story, the next you were in it. I didn’t realize it then, but what we had was the purest form of expression, interactive play-theater, teens acting like children, fortunate enough to not have been told that we were too old to still push the boundaries of our personalities in order to understand and empathize with the people and world around us.
Sometimes I feel bitter about my late teen years. Besides the fact that I could have had an adult support me while I went to school, I wish the adults around my friends had seen in us the creative spark, and had nurtured it more. It isn’t a regret for me, I have really enjoyed the trials of my life, but when I think back, I should have received a scholarship for Speech and Debate, I should have attended a local community college and then moved on to a local university.
I don’t want this resentment to grow into regret, so I am making up for lost time now. I want to nurture this spark, draw from the deep well of ideas that spring forward from me in my most sleep-deprived—and thus my least fortified—moments of consciousness.
Video games have inspired me in a permanent way. If they were drugs, or weapons, or bad behavior, we would say that I am scarred. Fortunately, the gaming layer on top of the media of my generation combined into a form of expressive art that continue to serves as an outlet for me. However, I want something more. My role is too passive.
I want to build worlds.