Last night, as I was chugging water and writing frantically so I can could go to sleep (don’t ask), I checked on Clover in eir crib and noticed that e had one foot kinda propped outside the bars, and a bit higher than the rest of eir body. I moved it out of the bars and shifted eir body back into a non-contorted position. Eir foot dropped straight down, dead weight, e was really asleep. It was funny, because it looked like e had been propping eir foot up there, just hanging out, and then fell asleep.
Clover has been a lot more active in eir sleep, and the night before I had woken up to see that eir back to me, something e never does. Then yesterday’s nap had em doing the same thing, rolling to one side, chubby arms propping em up. For eir entire (albeit, short) life, e has slept on eir back, often times with eir hands sprawled out to the sides or up beside eir head. I don’t know where e gets it from.
It really freaked me out last night when I woke up to check on em and saw one of eir hands hanging out of the bars. That is normal, but the angle wasn’t right. I jumped up to check, and while eir breathing was fine, I found that Clover was sleeping on eir belly.
It may be cliche, or something, but it was one of those defining moments of my parenthood. I realized that Clover isn’t going to be an absolutely helpless babby forever, or really, for much longer. I realized that I am attached to Clover in a way I’ve never been attached to anyone or thing before, and that attachment provides me a unique type of dread on occasion. I realized that Clover now rolls around in eir sleep, and will sometimes sleep on eir belly.
That last part wasn’t that profound, but it was a realization all the same. 